Blogosphere

Sheriff asks for help in finding wanted fugitive

Northfield News - Sat, 10/12/2019 - 10:03am
The Rice County Sheriff’s Office is looking for a man the state Department of Corrections has listed as a wanted fugitive.
Categories: Local News

GALLERY: Cold, snow flurries don't deter Titans fans at homecoming

Northfield News - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:06pm
Snow is no stranger to Minnesota, even if it is early October. With temperature in the low to mid 30s at game time, fans bundled up to proudly cheer on the Titans as they played the Belle Plaine Tigers at…
Categories: Local News

The KEY KIDS on All-Wheel Drive, 10/10/19

KYMN Radio - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 2:11pm

I love featuring musicians live in-studio, especially when those musicians are amazingly talented — and just happen to be local, as well. Today I had the good fortune of presenting the radio debut of The KEY KIDS (Madelyn Hartke and Charley Markson), whose new (aptly named) album “Townie” comes out November 15. The KEY KIDS

The post The KEY KIDS on All-Wheel Drive, 10/10/19 appeared first on KYMN Radio · Northfield, MN · AM 1080 & FM 95.1.

Police Chief comments on death investigation; Rice County Sheriff asks public’s help in locating a suspect; Wet weather didn’t dampen NAFRS propane burn; Post celebrates anniversaries with $ to school food program and a community breakfast

KYMN Radio - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 1:30pm

By Teri Knight, News Director Northfield police were called around 4 a.m. Wednesday to the 300 block of Division Street a on report of a man not breathing. On arrival they found a 39-year-old man unresponsive. Officers and paramedics attempted CPR and other life-saving measures as well as [administering] naloxone, none of which worked and

The post Police Chief comments on death investigation; Rice County Sheriff asks public’s help in locating a suspect; Wet weather didn’t dampen NAFRS propane burn; Post celebrates anniversaries with $ to school food program and a community breakfast appeared first on KYMN Radio · Northfield, MN · AM 1080 & FM 95.1.

Annual land rent meetings

KYMN Radio - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 1:18pm

Landlords, farmers, and agribusiness professionals are invited to attend one of the informative land rent meetings being held across Minnesota. These free meetings are provided by the University of Minnesota Extension Agriculture Business Management Team. Farm land rental is one of the largest input costs a farmer has, and determining a fair and profitable farm

The post Annual land rent meetings appeared first on KYMN Radio · Northfield, MN · AM 1080 & FM 95.1.

City Council Meeting

City of Northfield Calendar - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 12:15pm
Event date: October 15, 2019
Event Time: 06:00 PM - 09:00 PM
Location:
801 Washington Street
Northfield, MN 55057

Attempt to locate: Suspect wanted by the Rice Co. Sheriff’s Dept.

KYMN Radio - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 10:31am

The Rice County Sheriff’s Office is asking for your assistance in locating this person. This week the Rice County Sheriff’s Office has been conducting an investigation. The alleged suspect Nicholas John Boie Thompson in this investigation has an active Felony warrant for his arrest. Thompson is wanted in questioning for two separate investigations in Rice

The post Attempt to locate: Suspect wanted by the Rice Co. Sheriff’s Dept. appeared first on KYMN Radio · Northfield, MN · AM 1080 & FM 95.1.

An expedition: Finding the elusive Arb ATM

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 10:08am

It began on the night of NOlympics, when I was scheduled to return my New Student Week frisbee to its rightful owner, an inhabitant of Goodhue. After returning the frisbee, I observed a congregation in the Goodhue MegaLounge, cloaked in not only outdoor jackets, but also courage and hope. I inquired as to what they might be seeking at this hour.

The Wells-Fargo ATM in the Arb, of course! If one looked on Google Maps, and searched “ATM near me,” one would find there was a clearly noted Wells Fargo ATM in the thick of Cowling Arboretum. We were all in urgent need of funds, and the ATM in the Arb was, clearly, a better option than the one in Sayles.

As a fellow newcomer to Carleton in need of exactly twenty dollars drawn from an ATM with a light service fee at precisely 9:04 p.m., I immediately signed onto this plan. Luckily, as if in anticipation of this journey, I was wearing rain boots, the yellow rubber kind with chickens patterned on them.

We assigned ourselves numbers so we would not lose track of each other like a veritable herd of sheep. We set off through the dark wilds to the north, looking at Google Maps all the way. At some point, our phones informed us, like so many magic eight balls, we had to make a sharp left from the trail into dense foliage. We followed obsequiously.

We descended into thickets and tall grasses, and finally into calf-deep water. We were nearly there. After hacking through more trees, we at last came into a clearing. There the ATM stood, glorious in its plastic and metal beauty. We began prostrating ourselves in prayer to the night sky, giving thanks for the Earth, hugging each other in a showing of common humanity. We had made it. Unfortunately for us, the machine did not work and dispensed no money. It still deserved deity status, nonetheless.

We cried long and hard, and then we immortalized our struggles in a photograph. We trekked back, this time getting lost and falling into much deeper waters, waters that seemed especially foreboding to new students. We had not yet taken the required four terms of PE at Carleton to strengthen our muscles. My rain boots were sadly too short and flooded with water.

“Don’t forget to check for leeches when you get back to your dorm,” said one of my comrades.

I nodded vigorously, remembering a scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events. “Leeches are used as medical treatments to prevent blood clots because they secrete peptides,” I added helpfully. Some murmured their thanks for leeches and prayed for their continued, happy, and peptide-rich existence within the Arb swamp within which we were mired.

As we emerged from the thigh-deep water onto one of the trails leading back to campus, we looked at each other in collective awe.

Yes, we were the next generation of explorers, the Lawrence McKinley Goulds of our time. One of these days, we too will be blessed with a taxidermied squirrel or leech from our venture to the ATM, proudly bestowed in a glass case on 4th Libe.

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Categories: Colleges

Fall Colors and Falling Leaves

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 10:03am

Throughout spring and summer, the leaves of trees work as food factories. But there are deciduous trees that stop food production, experience color change, and lose leaves. Changes in these trees are the vibrant markers of fall.

Chlorophyll, a chemical pigment in leaves, absorbs sunlight energy to turn carbon dioxide and water into carbohydrates (FOOD!), mostly sugars and starches. Chlorophyll is the pigment that makes leaves green. Working with the chlorophyll are carotenoids and sometimes anthocyanins. These are additional fancy chemical pigments that help with photosynthesis.

Once fall arrives, less daylight and lower temperatures signal the trees to stop producing food. First, chlorophyll is broken down and reabsorbed for its valuable nutrients. This gives the other pigments the opportunity to be seen. Carotenoids are vibrant yellows, browns, and oranges and anthocyanins are a spectrum of reds. A variety of leaf colors are visible depending on the pigments left over.

The next step is for the leaves to fall off in a process called abscission. The trees lose leaves in an effort to conserve energy and water through the winter. Sensitive to the shortening days, trees slow the release of auxin and increase ethene. Both are regulating hormones sent to tree leaves. This causes cells at the base of the leaf to weaken while some are instructed to expand. The expanding and weakening of the base cells tear the leaf’s connection to the tree. The weakened connection is similar to perforated paper and helps the tree shed its leaves.

Fall is happening on campus and throughout the Arb right now! Take a stroll through the Arb, lookout for all the stunning colors, notice a few beautiful fallen leaves, and listen to the rustle and crunch of the leaves.

The post Fall Colors and Falling Leaves appeared first on The Carletonian.

Categories: Colleges

Dining hall menu screens: a bold display of wasted resources

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 10:02am

Students entering the dining halls are confronted by the most ostentatious display of misdirected spending this campus has ever seen: the dining hall menu screens. This year, Carleton has added high definition T.V. monitors at the entrances of cafeterias to announce culinary options at every meal. However, this recent and unnecessary change has left many students feeling, frankly, cheated. One sophomore lamented after seeing the screens: “I feel like I was slapped in the face by a wad of money, specifically $6,954 dollars.”

Students already felt like they were selling their souls to corporate America with every OneCard swipe. The arrival of new screens, however, has added another layer of bitterness and resentment. The dining hall milk remains chunky, the lettuce covered in bugs, and the chicken harder than final exams, but thank God we have televisions to inform us that squash is in season.

You may think paying an exorbitant cost per meal would equate to better food quality, but you are sorely mistaken. Our dining services are obviously pouring their money and resources into more important endeavors than student appetites. The screens, besides being a bold display of waste, are giving students false hope. The entrees listed on the screens sound edible, dare I say delicious. But then you put the food in your mouth, and that’s where things go downhill quickly.

One student remarked, “I paid $11 dollars to eat food and be let down. I didn’t intend to pay money to read about food on a high quality screen and be even more disappointed.”

Students upset by the hegemonic screens are comforting themselves by eating soft pretzels at Sayles, which are highly processed and consistently yummy.

The post Dining hall menu screens: a bold display of wasted resources appeared first on The Carletonian.

Categories: Colleges

Bald spot student handbook: how to steal food from the dining hall

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 10:00am

Despite paying a lot of money for food, and being able to eat or destroy as much of it as you want while in the dining hall, the rule is you won’t take it out. Please note that some methods have been purposefully not included. Here are some tips for getting as much food as you deserve:

Use tupperware. Tupperware is a great way to get food in and out while keeping it sealed and keeping your backpack clean. It’s pretty cheap and there’s most likely some extra at your house, easily worth $5.

Don’t stop at food. Plates, bowls, silverware, and cups are all expensive. No one will stop you from taking a clean plate or spoon back to your table. Also, trays are an important winter asset.

Put FroYo in a cup. If you had an after-lunch class with me ever, chances are you saw me with a compostable coffee cup. 10 times out of 10 that cup is filled with FroYo.

You’re allowed to do it. That is as long as you only take a drink and some dessert or fruit.

Why limit yourself to the dining hall? Sayles is often too busy and most condiments like peanut butter and mustard are free for the taking.

Eat outside. This one is pretty obvious.

Avoid the fish. This applies to choosing foods to take and to eat in the dining halls.

Pasta without sauce. Great choice.

Sometimes they have those pre-wrapped sandwiches which I think you’re supposed to take.

I realize that some people may still have some moral concerns, but think about it like this: There is no way that Bon App would spend more than it receives from the school at the start of the year. That includes spending on wages, maintenance, and frozen food. The only one of these that could really be affected by stealing food is the amount of food itself, but they always have leftovers anyways. Food waste is bad, stop it with covert carry-out!

The post Bald spot student handbook: how to steal food from the dining hall appeared first on The Carletonian.

Categories: Colleges

Barefoot @ Carleton: A statement or a lifestyle?

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:57am

Going barefoot at Carleton is not always a statement. If it were, there would probably be a club for it. But for some no-shoers around campus, it’s really just about feeling the surface they’re walking on. For others, it’s something they would do only on Carleton’s campus.

What is so important about shoes that when we see someone without them outdoors we are momentarily thrown? There is certainly the question of weather, which we are all aware can get pretty toe-numbing in Minnesota. Maybe the nerves of barefoot Carls’ feet are deceased, or their foot skin is significantly thicker than their shoe-clad counterparts, or a combination of those.

The shock that comes with seeing bare feet on the walk across campus and inside Sayles (not during a Synchrony performance) could also stem from the association between shoelessness and lack of cleanliness, which may be the reason that barefoot students get kicked out of Northfield grocery stores and even the library. No shirt, no shoes, no service, indeed.

At the same time, it does seem that bare feet work better for some people than for others. For students who don’t give off a barefoot vibe, suddenly wearing no shoes around campus would be very noticeable and is therefore more likely to be interpreted as a statement, a fact that discourages such students from trying their luck without shoes. This limits potential increases in the number of students who choose to walk to class barefoot regularly.

This barefoot vibe could be linked to an increased convenience in the transition from any activity X to rock climbing at the rec (or outside), for which specialized shoes do not require socks. Other outdoor activities such as slacklining also do not require shoes, which could be why barefootedness is associated with enthusiasm for the outdoors, an enthusiasm which, at Carleton, is felt predominantly by white, upper-class students.

In some ways, not wearing shoes could be compared to not wearing a bra for women. Both can receive a range of positive, negative, or neutral reactions, some of encouragement and support, some of disapproval, confusion, or outright judgement. Because shoes were created to help everyone, while bras were developed at least partially in order for women to maintain an image of idealized feminine beauty, the choice to not wear shoes versus choosing not to wear a bra has very different connotations.

It also seems that the choice to go shoeless is gendered; I have yet to see any female presenting Carls walking barefoot regularly from class to class. That could just be a lack of attention on my part, although it does make me curious as to why female-identifying students might be less inclined to go barefoot around campus, if that is indeed the trend. Could barefootedness be a sign of masculinity?

Intentionally going shoeless in daily life is something I’ve only seen at Carleton; perhaps something about this campus allows students to experiment more with questioning the expectations of society regarding clothing choices. Of course it is also likely that Carleton attracts students who are the shoeless type, or who are more adventurous in terms of clothing choice.

Either way, it is interesting to think about what our reactions to seeing barefoot people say about our beliefs and experiences. A consensus on whether being barefoot all the time is trendy or just gross may never be reached, but there are clearly multiple ways to look at it.

The post Barefoot @ Carleton: A statement or a lifestyle? appeared first on The Carletonian.

Categories: Colleges

College rankings and their propensity for enhanced facts

Carletonian - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:54am

One of the more frustrating things about capital-L Life is the persistent, complete human inability to capture and understand every single detail. More specifically, how every medium seems to fall short in some key way in truthfully portraying all possible details or minutiae of a situation. In writing, for example, the visual world is necessarily imagined; in photography, time is lost, sliced into, butchered, largely disregarded; and in videos, while it maintains many aspects of visual verisimilitude (Wikipedia: “concept that distinguishes between… apparent… truth and falsity of assertions and hypotheses”), there’s no real one hundred percent effective, non-cheesy way to highlight thought, perception, or perspective. And as close as you think you can get to achieving this sort of “ultimate situational truthness,” there are still hosts of detail, minutiae, left forgotten. That is, viewing and analyzing media constantly yields vastly different individual results—context is everything, personally and societally. In other words, meaning and interpretation continuously change for everybody individually, and with that—and on account of our inevitably limited attention spans—we’re only able to focus on a certain set of details/minutiae at a time: the set that’s most pertinent to us at the moment which, again, changes constantly. Viewers are required to pick out and focus exclusively on what they deem the “most important” bits of information that jump out the most. Which, all this, advertisers capitalize on, making an active attempt to corral this selective thinking into very specific ends, to understandably try to get across exactly what they (the advertisers) are trying to get across. Advertisers obviously have a grip on helping audiences zero in on exactly what they (advertisers) want them to.

College marketing seems to work in much the same way. Their (who this is is up to interpretation here) audience/clientele/whatever is fairly homogenous and therefore easy to zero in on: white-knuckled, college-anticipatory, mid-to-late-high-schoolers—and, often, their parents—who jump anxiously at any promotional email, local information session or school visit, etc. While this abject excitement is definitely not universal (or healthy/rational—and is definitely caricatured here), it’s absolutely an effect the College Search Process had on me and my family, as well as countless others in Brookline, Massachusetts and beyond. (One need only look to Reddit or Confidential to see the madding crowds. Which I was definitely still a part of, to clarify.)

Colleges, in their advertising, seem to intuitively understand the power of said information-nuggets. Unlike the pursuit of verisimilitude (defined, mentioned earlier), 21st-century collegiate thirst-trapping seems to be more an attempt to deliberately reverse-engineer that whole idea:
Image and truth, in this case, seem to work directly against one another—or, really, with one another, against the student. This is true from college website promotional photos to information sessions (because when would either of those ever mention any of the downsides of their school?): It’s distracting, it’s lulling and sexy, it’s advertising. Just as the admissions process is more or less a crapshoot, gaming high schoolers into applying to colleges is also just a game of seeing which school can make the bolder superlative claim, frantically and specifically directing attention to the “sexiest” parts of the school.

Of course, none of this is remarkable. It isn’t supposed to be, right? None of this very skillful persuasion is meant to raise any eyebrows because it isn’t meant to tease out any tough questions: It’s this very well-deserved yet fabricated feeling of, OK, I’ve made it through high school and earned my way here, now I get to decide between a ton of great schools that would love to take me. But in doing that, and coasting off all that encouragement, the college-oriented critical lens becomes a bit more rosy and sort of, very effectively and deliberately, can preclude you from making really important distinctions between schools and—of course—potential four-year experiences. Colleges, in their advertising, tend to emphasize this pampering and shift potential applicants’ attention away from thinking long and hard about what a college could offer, and more toward the whole “congrats on finishing high school!”

I mean, how are you supposed to think about how a small town and shitty dorms might affect you if the school’s got X clubs, Y majors, an average class size of Z, and the students are all quirky and modest? Junior and senior years of high school are so very much a slog (academically, family-wise, and so much more) that one’s mental and emotional energy are so quickly used up and spread thin that it’s absolutely impossible, again, to imagine all these details. And that’s where schools get you in their advertising: They know exactly how crazy things are and exactly how little time you or anybody else has to think about anything more meaningful or visceral or real than very easily digestible data (obviously this makes sense, given the whole automatic internal comparison that goes on there, adjusting it to what fits your preferences in the Search).

Obviously the ethics of all this depends on what you think of advertising in general, but it seems pretty agreeable that, yeah, essentially commercializing college experiences is kind of messed up and misleading.

But the general frustration of it all amplifies when college rankings come into the mix. Trying relentlessly to loop students into giving higher education institutions money and their souls for four years—under the impression you will be living the experience they want instead of imagining your own—is one thing, but compare/contrasting them is another issue entirely. I mean, on the surface, it’s just ludicrous. Again, without doing the whole >/< data thing, there’s just no real good way of reasonably comparing these completely different and subjective experiences. As before, everything is infinitely analyzable, with context morphing constantly as time goes on, with different experiences, memories, etc. And given people’s limited attention spans, college rankings obscure things further. It’s so easy to boil experiences down to numbers, >/<, categorize things digestibly. The rankings are effective, for sure—a dopaminergic, weirdly-shallow sense of validation that sorts things into this very unrealistic sense-making way—but at the end of the day, college rankings obscure what college advertisements did not already. The numbers, like those statistics, discrete bits of information, are more easily memorizeable and comparable than all those other subjective details.

And it’s probably important to mention here the elephant in the room: that this is all second-hand. How are we supposed to know Niche, U.S. News & World Report, Forbes, etc., are not just being bribed by these colleges? But then where do we even get information like this? Reddit and College Confidential—and other admissions-focused communities—aren’t exactly impartial places to get information, and current students aren’t really, either, given that, as before, no two experiences are the same.

But college rankings also bring on the secondary, perhaps selfish issue of self-doubt that comes naturally. Sure, it’s easy to ignore the whole college rankings craze and write it off as everything said above, but the fervor is inescapable, regardless of how ridiculous and competitive schools are acting here. The judgments and fear of them aren’t new—the rankings are just a weirdly blunt form of holier-than-thou-ism people of all ages seem to love to throw away for what reason I really can’t say.

Carleton seems to “try” to avoid the whole ranking thing (according to Wikipedia, it’s a part of the “Annapolis Group,” an organization of American liberal arts colleges that has “encouraged members not to publicize ranking surveys”). This is nice, but it seems that on every single pamphlet the school sends out, they mention their “#1 Undergraduate Teaching” U.S.N.W.R. ranking—so it’s the thought that counts, I guess. At least people are sort of thinking about it. But obviously that doesn’t change anything.

And there’s no real easy way to figure this all out, try to fix this craze. Maybe it will never end. It might just be some sort of fundamental human urge to compare or show off or etc. But this all seems to be directly the result of a grander attempt by colleges (and ranking publications) to sort of manipulate a system of perpetual communication errors to appeal to this fundamental human desire to do “the best” or go to “the best” and be “the best,” which makes a lot of sense.

But, in the end, does it have to be this way?

The post College rankings and their propensity for enhanced facts appeared first on The Carletonian.

Categories: Colleges

GALLERY: NAFRS Open House brings community together

Northfield News - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:48am
Families were treated to an assortment of activities Thursday during the Northfield Area Fire Rescue Services Open House.
Categories: Local News

The Quarter Season Carnival: How Your Favorite Team is Doing, and Why They Probably Suck

Manitou Messenger - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:14am

It’s that time of the year again, where four games into the NFL season we can finally start to see which teams are legit and which are just doing their best to drag their dilapidated corpse of a team to next years draft. In no particular order, lets summarize each team’s season so far. 

Note: This is only through four games, not taking into account week five of the season. 

New England Patriots – You know how every year for like the past 4 years now we keep predicting Tom Brady’s decline and the collapse of the Pats? Yeah this year is not that year. Lead by one of the best defenses in the league and with the offense doing more than a serviceable job, theres a decent chance another Lombardi Trophy finds its way to Foxboro. 

Green Bay Packers – Despite being humbled by the Eagles last week, this team is still a juggernaut in the NFC, as is any team lead by Aaron Rodgers. The only thing standing in their way is their surprisingly strong division. 

Los Angeles Rams – Two words. Todd Gurley. This man has had a lackluster season so far and unless he can’t turn it around you have no chance of reaching the same peak as last season. The offense looks broken without him, and Aaron Donald’s back is only so strong. 

Oakland Raiders – Wow, you guys have two wins, honestly wasn’t expecting that. Maybe you can give your fans in Oakland one last mediocre season after all. Good luck Vegas, you’re going to need if you’re gonna endure eight more years of Gruden. 

Cleveland Browns – Hahaha how the overhyped have fallen. Where are all the talks about the Browns being a lock for the superbowl? What happened to Baker being the next great QB in this league? Hey Odell, maybe focus a little bit more on the game and a little bit less on the Giants, then maybe you’ll beat the freaking Titans (I’m not a salty Giants fan nooooo). 

Pittsburgh Steelers – What else is there to say about this team? No Big Ben means your season is over. Mason Rudolph isn’t going to get you anywhere other than a top ten draft pick that you don’t have because for some reason you’re in win-now mode and traded it away. 

Chicago Bears – You know your QB situation is as mess when Chase Daniel taking over is not a significant downgrade. No matter how good your defense is, if Trubisky doesn’t improve this team is going nowhere fast, especially in a stacked NFC North. For the love of god, don’t waste Kahlil Mack’s career. Arizona Cardinals – You have one bright spot on your team, that being Kyler Murray. The kid can play, but now its a test of what kind of team you can put around him. It’s hard to have confidence in a team that wasted Larry Fitzgerald’s career though. Don’t screw this one up. 

Buffalo Bills – One of the more shocking of the teams so far to be completely honest. Essentially no one saw you being this good, with a defense and an offensive line that came to play. If Josh Allen can properly develop his passing game, you might be a legitimate contender in the AFC for years to come. Then again, Tom Brady is immortal so probably not. 

Dallas Cowboys – This team has the potential to be a legitimate contender. With probably the best young defensive cores in the league along with the first full year of the 

Zeke-Dak-Amari connection, this team should go far. Now lets see if that can translate to the field and you can beat someone other than the three worst teams in the league. 

Los Angeles Chargers – Chargers, what have you done to anger the injury gods? From WR Mike Willaims to safety Derwin James, you have had probably the worst injury luck this year so far. I’m not entirely sure what to tell you, but if you don’t figure out something soon you season may just be over, especially with the Chiefs being in the same division as you. 

New York Jets – Same. Old. Jets. Overpaying for Le’veon Bell was the mistake that everyone but you saw it as, and it doesn’t help that your QB Sam Darnold got kissed for the first time and died for three weeks because of it. Have fun fighting for the first overall pick. 

New York Giants – Danny. Freakin. Dimes. Oh how the Daniel Jones doubters have had to eat their words in the past couple of weeks. This team was dead in the water with Eli Manning under center, but has been revitalized thanks to the young buck out of Duke. The G-men have managed to pull out two wins even without their star RB Saquon Barkley and no. 1 receiver Golden Tate. Welcome Back Giants, its good to have you. 

Miami Dolphins – There’s not much to say about this team. It’s probably one of the worst teams ever to grace an NFL football field. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the St. Olaf football team gave them a run for their money. Just don’t screw up your tank and accidently win a game. 

Philadelphia Eagles – You Eagles really are a confusing team. How do you lose to the god awful Falcons, but then pull off a win over the juggernaut Packers during a primetime game? Just keep Carson Wentz healthy and teach your receivers how to catch a football and you should be a playoff team. Don’t make letting Nick Foles walk in free agency look like a mistake. 

Houston Texans – The Texans are answering the age old question, how does one commit murder in plain sight and get away with it? Despite offensive line being their biggest need in the offseason, Houston decided to only draft one lineman. To be fair, they added a few pieces through trades like rising star Laremy Tunsil, but so far he has only been average in a lone star uniform. Lets see how well the let-Deshaun-Watson-run-around-until-he’s-pounded-into-a-pulp strategy goes for you. 

Detroit Lions – Where the hell did this team come from? You actually gave the Chiefs a run for their money, and are so far a contender in the NFC North. The real question is, how long can you keep this charade up until you return to your natural state of perpetual mediocrity? 

Seattle Seahawks – Just go ahead and rename the team the Seattle Russel Wilsons will you? He’s the only thing keeping your team together, and the only reason you’re a legitimate contender. Just be glad the rest of your division is an absolute mess right now, so much so that you might actually make the playoffs. 

San Francisco 49ers – I mean, I guess you’re technically undefeated… but are you really? You played two of the most inconsistent teams in the league (Steelers and Buccaneers), and beat one of the worst (Bengals). Have fun being at the top of the NFC West for now, it won’t last. 

Indianapolis Colts – Remember when you guys were legitimate contenders. Haha yeah that was over the second Andrew Luck retired. I know you like pretending that Jacoby Brissett is your next franchise QB with that $15 million extension, but lets be real, he’s not the Peyton Manning replacement you’ve been looking for since 2011. Take a page out of the Dolphin’s book and tank, this seasons over. 

Kansas City Chiefs – Goddamn this offense is good. Like this is Greatest Show on Turf – ‘99 Rams level of offensive firepower. Too bad your defense is god awful, no matter how many starters you replaced from last year. Don’t worry you’ll get far as a team, just have fun losing to the Patriots in the AFC Championship. 

Washington Redskins – Is there a team in any more disarray than this one? At least the Dolphins have a plan moving forward following their tank. This team seems to have no idea what they’re doing, with a revolving door at QB and a coach with two feet already out the door. If nothing changes soon, this team will be a basement dweller for a loooong time. 

Tennessee Titans – Oh right Tennessee has an NFL team, it really is so easy to forget. Everyone outside of northern Ohio loved you for a week when you blew out the Browns. After that, I guess you technically played some games, but does it really count if the only fans of the team are the player’s family and friends? Have fun going 8-8. 

Minnesota Vikings – In my first column this year, I advocated giving Kirk Cousins more time to develop. Yeah scratch that, get him out of here now. He’s tearing what would 

otherwise be a great team apart, driving a wedge between our receiver tandem in Thielen and Diggs and the rest of the team to the point where Diggs has requested a trade. Maybe the Vikings can get Case Keenum Back? 

Baltimore Ravens – This team has the potential to be really great, at least against bottom of the barrel teams in the Dolphins and Cardinals. They have yet to prove it against legitimate teams, flaming out against the Chiefs and Browns. We’ll see how much Lamar Jackson’s development over the offseason translates into W’s on Sundays. 

Denver Broncos – Look, I know John Elway is a legend and all, but please, for the love of all things holy, FIRE HIM. He has no idea how to find a QB outside of Peyton Manning, and who really thought bringing in Joe Flacco would do anything good for the organization. This team deserves to be among the winless. 

New Orleans Saints – Fans of the NFC south rejoiced in unison at the news of Drew Brees being ruled out for six weeks. They along with the rest of the NFL assumed that if not over, the Saints’ season was in serious jeopardy. This was all before we learned of the legit nature of Teddy Bridgewater. If all goes well, the Saints might haver their QB room set for the next couple of decades. 

Cincinnati Bengals – Just trade AJ Green. Please. He doesn’t deserve this. This start is karma for making you fans suffer through 15 years of Marvin Lewis. 

Carolina Panthers – (For a much more in depth look at the Panthers, please see my article in last weeks edition of the mess. Now that this shameless self plug is over, back to your regularly scheduled programing) Yeah this team should be really good. Like really good. McCafrey is a beast at running back, and that defense is as staunch as any in the league. Now it’s just a matter of how far their undrafted backup QB can take them with Cam Newton going down. 

Jacksonville Jaguars – Thank the good lord for the legend that is Gardner Minshew. That man is a blessing, not only for his ability to make the Jaguars watchable, but also for the consistent high quality meme content he provides. Move over Brady, the REAL greatest sixth round QB is about to throw the ball over a mountain. 

Atlanta Falcons – Hey, hey Falcons fans… 28-3. Hahaha. This team really has never been the same sice that superbowl loss. This carries over into this season of course, cause Atlanta isn’t allowed have good things. You have so much talent, and yet still find a way 

to screw it all up. You know things are bad when you’re behind the Buccaneers in the division standings. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – This team is quite literally the poster child for inconsistency. One week you blow a lead and lose to the lowly Giants, and then drop 55 points in a win over the defending NFC champ Rams? WHAT?? I’m not touching any predictions for this team with a ten foot poll. Anything I say is going to be wrong.

Categories: Colleges

New employment safety policy

Manitou Messenger - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:08am

The Environmental Health and Safety Department (EHS) implemented a new college safety training policy for the 2019/2020 academic year.

The new policy requires that in order for any student to work in a department, they must undergo safety training each school year. 

“Previously, there was no safety training for students beyond what individual departments might have requested,” Employment Specialist Audry Turner said. 

With the new policy in place, EHS envisions a higher standard that each employer must meet to ensure the safety of their workers, Turner said.

St. Olaf Human Resources conducted a student employment review, which led directly to the creation of the new training policy for the 2019/2020 school year.

“We wanted to ensure we are helping our student employees gain the knowledge and resources to work as safely as possible,” Turner said. 

The training is incorporated into Moodle in order to allow easy access and minimize both employer and employee time commitments, according to EHS. While every employer must present basic training to their workers, additional training will be necessary for some positions.

“There will be some students that hold positions that may require additional training with our EHS,” Turner said. 

Positions which may require additional training include jobs where students are required to handle various chemicals or climb ladders.

Overall, this mandatory training is a stride towards a safer workplace for both employers and employees.

“The effect is, hopefully, a safer work environment for all,” Turner said.

kostov1@stolaf.edu

Categories: Colleges

Girl in the Society

Manitou Messenger - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:04am

One, take a shower and get into every inch of your body
Two, take a dress that won’t make you feel any good, but you must wear it because it’s trendy
Three, put on make-up so you’ll have the courage to show your face to every person you meet
Four, check those painful braces that you must endure just to have those perfect pearl teeth
But wait, don’t forget your hair, that you tied up into a messy bun that they all have been doing and
Five, have a mask and cover those fears and anxieties you’ve been facing
Because no one likes a fearful girl that back and forth she’s pacing
Now six, walk outside, wear heels, be proud and be a lady full of grace
Because at seven, no one likes a girl with a fat body and an unpretty face
Eight, be western by your walk or talk, because you don’t want them to know that you have a different race
And at nine, don’t forget to flirt and let the boys think that you’re uptight
Because at ten, you must be caged in this kind of society that is not so bright.
This is how to be a girl in the society.

Categories: Colleges

Untitled

Manitou Messenger - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 9:04am
Categories: Colleges

Covenant of Wonder. Pt. 2

Manitou Messenger - Fri, 10/11/2019 - 8:59am

Each time the girl would ask me to buy the pen I felt more sorry for myself. You have to understand that her pupils and her iris were one big black pool and light couldn’t escape them. I wanted to scream. I wasn’t in Delhi anymore, I was in the little girl’s belly and I don’t know how I got in there because she was so skinny.

“Please take the pen,” she said and I was small, tracing the wood grain of my dinner table with my father’s hand on my shoulder.

“Son,” a giant of a man. “Eat your food so you can be big and strong and fight the people who will call you Christ-Killer.”

But no one called me Christ-Killer. I grew up and I went to a school where they liked Martin Luther.

“Luther would have called you a Christ-Killer. The students there will call you a Christ-Killer. Or they might not say it but they’ll think it.”

But no one called me a Christ-Killer. Instead a Synagogue was shot up far away and no matter how much of my father’s food I ate I couldn’t fight the people who called us Christ-Killers.

I looked up from the bottom of the little girl’s belly. She added another pen between her thumb and
forefinger.

“Two pens.”

I was lying in bed next to my
mother and she told me about her father whose mind had been played with by poverty in San Juan and the war in Korea. One day he came home and picked up a knife and wanted to stab my grandmother. But my mother picked up the telephone and said she would call the police. My grandfather was so baffled that he put down the knife and hung up the telephone and told my mother to never again do such a thing. That was the last time my mother saw him hurt my grandmother.

Despite my grandfather’s violence, my grandmother would never leave him, and the first time my mother went to college she dropped out because she was so worried about what my grandfather would do with her away.

A third pen joined and I moved into the little girl’s intestines.

“Three pens.”

Your tragedies are your own, so who am I to tell them to you. Just know that I was listening.

“Four pens.”

I slid down her intestines and I was in complete darkness.

“I don’t have a sad story to tell you,” I said to the girl. “Let me out of here.”

“Please sir, please take the pen.”

irwin2@stolaf.edu

Categories: Colleges
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